It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
