First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
