Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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