Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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