He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
