My sheets look like a crime scene.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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