if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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