I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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