im having a threesome with these popsicles
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
