defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
