and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need water and some morals
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
