I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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