so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
