I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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