K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
