My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize