ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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