haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
