Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
