mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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