how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize