ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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