It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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