it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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