A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would ride that face into the sunset
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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