im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize