Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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