I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize