Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
