If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
