stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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