an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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