I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
