i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
