This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize