I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
