Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
