the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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