turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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