I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
