youre lurking in front of me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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