My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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