I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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