best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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