Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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