boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
