I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize