I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
