Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
