i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
