If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
