I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my poor anus
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
