About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
