Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
