they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
