separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
