I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Vodka?
Forever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
