I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
