Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
