I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
