KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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