real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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