I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
