I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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