this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize