she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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