North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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