matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Congratulations! We have a period
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
