just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
