You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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