I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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