i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
