You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will be naked everywhere
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
