I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
