U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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