guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
